Wednesday, 5 February 2014

Toothbrushes and evolution

I bought a bamboo toothbrush. I remember buying one before and being disappointed with its brushing power, but I can't bring myself to use a plastic one-I keep having flashbacks to the Himalayas where I saw them embedded in the ground, a revolting talisman of my Oil Dynasty. Anyway I had the thing in my back pocket as I got into the car.When I felt a crack! 
Boo hoo for bamboo but the birth of a new and improved toothbrush!
I love the waves of fashion that toothbrush makers create. Remember the bent handle? The one that somehow allowed you to brush in places and ways you never thought possible. The computer graphics which showed close up versions of Dante's hell in your mouth. The myriad of bristle shapes which all superseded one another. The nonslip handles. Imagine if you slipped while brushing your teeth! OMG! Surgery to remove the toothbrush from where it is embedded in your brain. Then the bend in the brush (which I just created in the Peugeot) got out of hand- it started to get a sort of shock absorber to no doubt reduce the impact of hard brushing. Pan to computer generated animation of seismic activity of the earths crust. I'm eagerly awaiting nanotechnology to enter the toothbrush wars. "Nano-particles to make a protective shield around your teeth" - switch to CGI animation of an army of soldiers holding shields and spears and swords and warding off glancing blows(representing bacteria) The same goes for razors. Looking at the packaging in Foxton New World last week, I saw "titanium technology" on one and all sorts of bullshit written over others.
Do we really need toothbrushes? Can we survive or evolve without them?Did humans evolve without toothbrushes?Where are all my used ones? I reckon, if we use one every 6 months,that makes around several million toothbrushes from New Zealand per year going somewhere, probably into a hole in the ground.I walked on several in the Khumbu Valley, Nepal, last year.
Apparently our dietary reliance on grains rots our teeth. Phytic acid. Raised blood sugar levels. I always thought that grains were once a survival food for the cold winter months in the colder regions now turned into a staple thanks be to barrels of cheap oil. My theory is that brushing introduces as much bacteria as it purports to wipe out. What with your scabby brush (zoom to CGI microscope view of festering battalions of bacteria) sitting out in the air all day........It's probably wrong but it pales in comparison to the bollocks and pseudo science that's on TV commercials.
We'll, I'm off to bed. After I brush my teeth of course.

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