The Us Party
· We are against Them. They got us in trouble didnt They.
· We will take responsibility for your life. We will make it our job to keep you safe, to give you jobs, educate you and to feed you. We call this healthy dependence.
· If we fail then its ok to hate us.
· You can use us to project onto. This means at first you can idolise Us, thinking that we will save you, and then, when it inevitably fails, we will take the blame as to why your life is still shit.
· We stand for adversarial politics. Basically We are right and everyone else is wrong.
· We understand that voting for Us is a Wasted Vote, as we are a minority; so we suggest you going for one of the Big Two parties
· We won’t be put off by side shows such as the present widespread moral distaste for the spying on us, but instead focus on talking about the real issues that are affecting New Zealanders, such as Health, Education and Jobs.
· One of our important responsibilities is to shuffle money around and make it look like we are creating more money for needy causes, the poor etc
· We will promise to bring about new jobs, thus eliminating guilt and indifference for you to get together as a community and looking at meaningful work which remunerates and satisfies at a social, psychological and environmental level.
· We don’t believe we have much clout as a nation, so we will follow trends and fashion such as growth, global positioning etc even though we’ re not really sure what they mean.
· If you identify yourself as a Hardworking New Zealander, then vote for Us. If you identify yourself as a poor loser who is trying hard but nothing seems to change no matter who is the Government, then vote for the Greens, Labour, Conservative.
· We simply hate minorities. They never get anywhere do they?
Our Education system is failing so we plan to give it CPR. We have a Bums on Seats policy in place.
We believe that Education should be forced upon everyone, not just the 12 or so years it is at present.
What that means is railroading people from birth till death into Education. We see that a dying persons last words should be “Did I get Merit or Excellence?”
Education should continue to be a really unpleasant experience to get people used to the ‘Real World’ of joblessness, misery in the workplace, and general slavery.
· We put a dollar sign next to health to remind you that it’s all about bucks. More health equals more bucks and vice versa.
· We will buy more machines to keep you alive when you’d rather be dead, and add the cost to your taxes.
· We will use the increased police force to monitor alternative practitioners and stop these weirdos from giving people false hope by curing them.
· We promise to back huge companies who are selling drugs legally to our citizens.
· Let’s face it, bad evil mo’ fo’s kill whales, mine, and destroy rivers. If we eliminate the cause, then it’s all going to be dandy. You know what I’m saying eh.
· We promise not to link any issues with a structure that makes plunder inevitable, such as massive debt.
· We are against global warming and other nasty things happening to the planet, but jobs are way more important than a dying planet.
· Oh and of course, we will get tough on criminals, such as most of the Maori population and black people in general.
· We will eliminate gangs, and increase the number of police. And no, the Police are not a gang which serves property owners and the majority. That’s just an accident that they appeared in the same sentence.
· Crime happens because bad mo’fo’s do bad things ok? Don’t give me that bullshit about the cause being an unfair society which increasingly marginalises people, or the fallout from colonial domination of another group of people or economic hardship. We promise to cleanse society of bad mo’fo’s, even if that means jailing whole towns. (Link this to more jobs)
· We hope to recruit more young naïve guys who want camaraderie, the attention of male role models and general messing around with guns. It’s better than gangs. We just hope that when they have to follow orders and shoot a mama in a village that they don’t waiver.
· We hope to recruit guys who at present are involved in sensless slaughter on the internet playing those games you’d rather not have in your house but have given up arguing about.