Wednesday, 5 March 2014

Stag Dos, Hen Parties and Wedding bells

A friend of mine said his friend had a Stag Do recently.I rolled my eyes and groaned O no! But before I could start raving about outmoded rituals of ownership etc etc he said no, wait-they got together, no booze, and talked about the changes that were to take place in his life and prepared him for the change.They also told him what he meant to them.I felt a wave of awe and respect and admiration. Contrast that with the drunken and often cruel, out of control booze-fuelled party that happens and the 'last night of freedom' sentiment that does with it.
I've never been a fan of weddings; even my own. I hate the pretence, the shallowness, the rites of ownership including the name-change stuff. The younger-generation -than- mine goes for weddings big time-perhaps as a reaction to the loose arrangements of their parents and their disastrous statistics of breakup and their own need for security and desire for permanence, trust and respect.I know a group of people for whom weddings bear great meaning and they go at it with serious intent. It is a change of life and good to mark it as we do birth and death.
I've been through a rite of passage to manhood with my oldest son Ben. It was meaning-full, powerfully felt, and its effects will last a lifetime for me and my son.In contrast I know of fathers who have taken their sons out for a beer to mark the occasion, with no connection at all.Welcome to the club, son, this is all there is.I also got married; I would have been happy not to, but it seemed ok to make it legal as at that time there wasn't legal parity with couples who lived together.We had gone through the thing about 'commitment' and agreed to go one day at a time. We didn't commit to a lifetime-that is insanity to predict the future, in my opinion.Having said that, please don't misinterpret me - I don't mean that we would cut a track as soon as we hit an obstacle.I don't do that with any relationship.I still think that this very point places pressure on couples and puts them off. Tomorrow I will be different and so will you.As the hymn goes "One day at a time, sweet Jesus!"
Plus we wanted to make public our relationship and celebrate it.
It is good to honour change and I would be for the shift in emphasis toward celebrating/embracing change in a wedding ceremony.It is a change when you go from living singly to living with someone. You are not going from your father to your husband;he doesn't own you; therefore there is nothing to give away. You have been flatting for years; you have been living together for years; you have a child together! Come on!!!
The cheesy song floats along in the car "Will You Mar-ry Me?" Like its a question. Isn't it a discussion that needs alot of time and energy? I mean its not a yes/no thing.
As for divorce......................... we could have another Stag Do where we all get pissed again and do abusive things to celebrate our 'freedom'. And the Hens-well, they are free to lay more eggs surely!

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